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From the full version of Sunnyside's Lousy Book

Is my stuff safe here?

The first time my safe deposit box had been gone through was by the local government in Tacoma, WA. They used the local sheriff department to set me up with 1/4 pound marijuana. They got me for possession and threw me in jail. The fallowing Monday they didn't give me my keys back when I was released from jail. With the key to my safe deposit box the city used the commissioner of police to go into Bank of America and simply said that they we're looking for drug money. The bank had to let them in and that was when they found the copy of the will. The stupid part about it, they didn't even need to return the tape, but they kept it a day or so while they altered my video tape of the fire and used my key to put it back. Then the real funny part about it is that they cut out the part where I doubled back to make sure the girl shut off the valve on the spray nozzle. But they left the part in, that show the part that they need to hide, the part where she set the hose down with out shutting the hose off.
      Oh, they sole the first will I had written.
      The second time it happened is after I moved my stuff to Key Bank, in Parkland. The method used to get in to the safe deposit box was done quite differently. Anyone could have done it for as little as twenty dollars. Too bad I didn't figure out the loop hole in the security method used until it already was too late.
     See, the deal is that if you want to get into a person's safe deposit box at a Key Bank, all you have to do get a possession of the key to the box you want to get into. If you're good at forging signatures, you will get to the sign in on the same card containing the signatures used at every time of entry and you'll be asked to sign right below them. If you're not good at forging signatures, you'll have to rent a safe deposit box at the same bank and pick one with a similar box number.
    If you don't want to forge someone else's signature, this is where renting a box with a similar number to the one you want to get into is a must.
        The simple part about getting into someones box, is that they take your key to look at the number on it, pull out the signature card assigned to the key.
       Well the funny part of their method is that when they hand you the signature car, they will also hand you your keys back to you.
         You will be able to sign into your own box with your own signature card. The neat part of it is that while on your way to the box you can hand her you the key to the box you want to get into. Since the bank employee deals with so many numbers all day long, I doubt if they will notice the number isn't the same as the key you showed them before signing in.
      You're in Bud.
      And hey, if you seen the classy outfits and the boobs on this babe, you can bet this girl can forget about anything if the price is right.
      So when it came time when they wanted to get into my safe deposit box at Key bank all they had to do was look behind the seat in my truck.

See the deal is: I kept two sets of keys so could warm up my truck and lock my trailer at the same time. Now, occasionally the spare set of keys would slide off the center console of the truck and land in the plastic tray behind the seat. There was one Friday night I was in my shop welding or grinding away on something. Apparently while I was engrossed in a project, the culprits figured out where my spare set of keys landed.
When it came time to turn on the compressor, I need the set of keys with the only key to the paint shop so I could turn on my compressor. There wasn't many places the keys could be, so I looked everywhere; even behind the seat at least three times with a flash light mind you. However, I gave up when I heard the bitch next door informing others that "they" are getting into "his safe deposit box."

I felt violated for sure. Sort of like being raped by the society around me. It was like everyone was in on it as if it was to their benefit. Of course I wasn't able to sleep very well and I figured out the major loop-hole in the security measures at the back. But with the whole neighborhood aware of what was going down, I had no doubt the people at the bank were in on it too. I had trade secrets in that box and they happened to be what I've got on the back burner. They could be worth more than patents because nothing has been negotiated.
I could only wonder who was responsible for the dirty deed and I wasn't surprised when I found the missing keys behind the seat Monday night.

When I went to clear out the box, I informed the gal with fake boobs know that I knew what had just gone down. I informed her about the loop-hole in the security measures after she had handed the key back to me just before we walked back into the vault area. I spoke loud so other people in the bank would overhear just how easy it was for anyone to get into a safe deposit box there. Then I heard one of the tellers say, "He should have kept better track of his key." If that wasn't a dead give away that they knew what had gone down, I don't know what is.

Was my stuff safe at Wells Fargo?

The next chapter of Sunnyside's Lousy Book is:

Wondering if the junk was brain washed?

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